


Clear Water

by SleepyWoofles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chaptered, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non-Binary Sleep | Remy Sanders, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, i dunno it's just hell honestly, i guess??, i wonder if i'm ever going to finish this skdfhgkjfhg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 23:26:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16861999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyWoofles/pseuds/SleepyWoofles
Summary: Virgil has never been very excited about meeting people, he can only imagine that’s why he ended up with the most extroverted, dramatic and over-the-top, sunshiny person possible for a roommate. Roman, on the other hand, has always been the kind of person to shout and sing at the top of his lungs, and he couldn’t quite understand how he got stuck with a tiny storm cloud.





	1. Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has never been very excited about meeting people, he can only imagine that’s why he ended up with the most extroverted, dramatic and over-the-top, sunshiny person possible for a roommate. Roman, on the other hand, has always been the kind of person to shout and sing at the top of his lungs, and he couldn’t quite understand how he got stuck with a tiny storm cloud.

Virgil gave a heavy sigh as he stared up at the large building in front of him. He wished he could say this was the wrong building, but sitting over the double doors like a crown was a sign that had  _‘Clear Water University’_  scrawled over it in swirling cursive letters. He stood there for a little while, watching people run past and listening to people yelling about stolen notebooks and borrowed money and god-awful high school stories, it wasn’t until he saw an old friend running through the sea of people that he moved.

He had gotten about halfway over when he realized his friend was being chased by someone he barely recognized, his friend stopped suddenly. The stranger crashed into him and the two fell to the ground as Virgil tried not to laugh.

“Patton! That was completely unnecessary!” Patton didn’t try to hide his laughter.

“But it was fun! Right, Virgil?”

“It was pretty entertaining, yeah.” He offered a hand and pulled Patton up, he tried to do the same for the stranger, though they ignored him.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” They brushed off their small coat and gave a soft sigh. “I have somewhere to be.”

Virgil leaned over to Patton as they walked away. “Who was that..?” Patton gave a soft smile.

“That was Logan, he’s a friend of mine. He’s really a sweetheart, he’s just not the best at showing it.” Virgil raised an eyebrow, though Patton wasn’t paying any attention.

“Are you wishing he was  _your_  sweetheart?”

“Yeah- I-I mean-!”

“Chill, you know I don’t know anyone enough to say something.” A notebook smacked into his arm. “So where’re you staying?”

“I’ll be at home, Lo’s gonna be staying with me though, at least until he can find somewhere else.” Patton smiled again. “You?”

“I found someone looking for a roommate, the apartment isn’t too far from here actually, should be able to drag my stuff down there in a bit.”

“That’s good! Now we should probably get moving, I hear they don’t like waiting around here, but I guess that’s the price we pay for having so many classes available!”

“Guess so.” Virgil gave a soft smile, and they started towards the entrance.

It was absolutely horrible. He had only been there maybe five minutes, and he already hated every single member of the staff- minus the school counselor, but he never minded the school counselors. Everyone else, however, he would much rather never see again and he was most definitely not looking forward to anything that was going to happen.

He was about halfway from the school to the apartment, and he honestly wasn’t looking forward to meeting yet another person after everything that had happened. He turned a corner and the large apartment came into view. It was much taller than he had expected, and he had absolutely no idea which floor he was supposed to be on. He decided that wandering around wouldn’t work very well, and pulled out his phone.

_[You] Hey, what floor are we on?_

_[It dat roommate] Second floor! Room 68B, you on your way?_

_[You] Yeah, see you soon?_

He silently cursed himself for the typo, it didn’t change much, and he hoped the other wouldn’t notice.

_[It dat roommate] See you soon!_

It was just his luck, the elevator was broken. He gave a heavy sigh and made his way to the stairs, silently thanking everything he could think of for the room being on the second floor. It didn’t take too long to make his way upstairs, but finding the room was a different story. He had been wandering around for what felt like hours before he found it, and by the time he did his anxiety was through the roof. He forced himself to open the door, struggling to hold the keys for a moment, and he almost regretted doing so.

The room was tiny, there were three doorways which he could only assume lead to the bedrooms and the bathroom, a small couch was settled into the corner and a TV was blasting some Disney movie. A head popped around the corner of an archway, he assumed that behind it was the kitchen, and someone quickly made their way over with a bowl of popcorn in hand.

“Virgil?” He nodded slightly, still trying to take in everything in the room. “Glad to see you made it okay!”

“Yeah, good to see you too.” The other let out a small laugh.

“Not much of a people person, hm?” He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again as he realized he didn’t know what to say. “Well, that’s quite alright! It’s nice to meet you, Virgil.” They gave a soft smile. Virgil found himself staring at the beautiful stranger. “My name is Roman.”

Virgil felt words abandon him for a moment, leaving him to stare up into Roman’s gentle coffee brown eyes.

“Wh- You were watching a movie, yeah?”

“That I was! If you want to set your things down somewhere you could join me?” Virgil nodded again, deciding it would be best if he spoke as little as physically possible.

“Where’s my room then..?” Roman pointed to the doorway farthest away from them.

“Right down there! Let me know if there’s anything I can help with!”

“Will do.” Virgil offered a quick smile before heading off to settle in, tossing his bags in a corner and flopping onto the bed with a sigh. He had a problem- a very big problem at that. Not only was this roommate very,  _very_  loud and outgoing, he was also a small ray of pure sunshine- and he was also also absolutely gorgeous. Virgil spent a good five minutes wondering if he wanted to date the pretty boy or  _be_  the pretty boy, and he ultimately decided on both. With another heavy sigh, he pushed himself off the bed and headed back to where Roman now sat on the couch, he hadn’t even looked at his bags since tossing them to the side.

Roman looked up as he walked in, patting the couch beside him and inviting Virgil to sit. “Do you care what we watch or do I get to choose?” Virgil shrugged, if he was being entirely honest he would prefer to pick the movie himself, but he wouldn’t tell Roman that. “Alright then, hope you enjoy Disney then.” Roman winked at him and he felt his heart melt, he knew he shouldn’t think about these things because there was absolutely no way Roman would give him anything more than the time of day- if that, and not to mention they had only just met, he’s only reacting this way because it’s a handsome stranger. He kept repeating this to himself, hoping his heart would slow down before Roman heard it trying to beat out of his chest.

He was barely paying attention to the movie, he was much more focused on Roman as the man sang and twirled around the small living room like an absolute dork, it was as Roman turned around with the biggest smile that he realized something.

Roman wasn’t a stranger at all.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil realizes why he recognizes Roman, and almost wishes he didn’t. After that disaster, he decides a chat with his insomnia buddy would be the best way to calm his nerves- It works for a bit, until Patton starts screaming at him, and so he decides to team up with Roman in order to help their disaster gays be happy.

Virgil froze for a moment, trying to comprehend what he had thought. “Wait a second, just- Roman? Roman Prince, right?” The other man stopped as well, looking very confused.

“Yes? Why..?”

“Because I know you! What was it, sixth grade? You moved away in the middle of the school year, when did you get back?” Roman waved his hands around, forming a mini ‘x’ in front of him.

“Wait wait wait, Virgil I only let you stay  _because_  I recognized you!”

“Then why the hell did you introduce yourself!?”

“You looked terrified I thought joking around would help!” Virgil opened his mouth to speak, only for Roman to cut him off. “Hold on, you mean to tell me you were willing to stay with a complete stranger!? V, do you realize how many things could have gone wrong with that!?” Roman looked genuinely concerned, and Virgil felt his anxiety spike.

He knew why he agreed to stay. He knew he couldn’t let Roman know, if Roman knew he wouldn’t be able to stay anymore.

“I- I had to get out of the house, a friend of mine recommended I look here.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but it certainly wasn’t true, he would have to remember to thank that disaster gay when he got a chance.

“What do you mean ‘get out of the house’? Virgil, is everything alright?”

_Shit shit shit- Stop talking, stop talking right now-_

“It’s fine, I’m okay it’s just- I- Uhm, I guess I just.. got tired of being called confused.”  _Shut up shut up shut up-_

“..Are you sure? I hate to press you for information, but you sound a lot worse than ‘okay.’” Virgil’s heart was beating fast enough to fly out of his chest. Roman was going to find out and he was going to be kicked out again.

“Y-Yeah, it’s okay, I.. I’m bisexual, s-so..” That wasn’t a  _lie_ , he just hoped Roman wouldn’t realize it wasn’t the real reason.

“Alright.. Let me know if there’s something you need to talk about though, okay?” Virgil nodded, silently praying for his heart to slow the hell down.

“Yeah, will do.” He was afraid that if he said anymore he might pass out, thankfully the conversation ended there, but unfortunately the rest of the movie went by in a very uncomfortable silence.

He stared up at the ceiling for a while, looking over to the bedside to see it was three o’clock in the morning. He sighed heavily and grabbed his phone from beside the alarm clock, he knew tonight was one of the nights were sleeping was simply impossible. He scrolled through his contacts for a moment, trying to figure out who would be awake, and quickly found the person he was looking for.

_[You] Hey, can I ask a favor?_

_[Insomnia cookie] Hey babe! What’s bothering you?_

_[You] You know Roman Prince right?_

_[Insomnia cookie] Are we having boy troubles or do I need to get the shovels?_

_[You] I just need you to pretend like you’re the one who told me about the roommate thing if he ever asks_

_[Insomnia cookie] Oh honey what did you do?? Do i need to clean up some tea puddles or are we good?_

_[You] No, he doesn’t know, it’s fine_

Virgil quickly decided he was too hungry to think, standing up with a sigh and making his way to the kitchen. He was right about it being the small archway.

_[Insomnia cookie] M’kay, just know you can come to me if you need anything, right hun?_

He dug through the cabinets for a moment, quickly finding a small snack and settling down on one of the small stools near the counter, wishing he could psychically turn on the TV.

_[You] Yeah, thanks 🖤_

_[Insomnia cookie] Anytime babe ❤️ did everything else go good or do we need to revisit the shovel idea?_

_[You] It’s fine, the apartment's nice_

_[Innomnia cookie] Alrighty, shovels are officially staying in the shed then_

_[Insomnia cookie] But shouldn’t you be trying to sleep? You’re one of the maniacs that went for morning classes aren’t you?_

_[You] Last time I checked you’re also one of those maniacs, and I’ll bet money you’re on your third cup of coffee as we speak._

It was a good five minutes before any reply came. And even then it wasn’t from who he thought it would be.

_[Disaster gay of sunshine] VIRGIL I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE_

_[You] Pat it’s 3am what did you do??_

_[Disaster gay of sunshine] I WAS TEXTING LOGAN BUT I MADE A JOKE AND NOW HE WON’T RESPOND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG_

_[You] Why were you texting Logan at 3am???_

_[Disaster gay of sunshine] WE BOTH HAVE 6AM CLASSES SO I THOUGHT IT’D BE FINE_

A bout of laughter exploded from Roman’s room.

_[You] Pat, I’ll get back to you, I think something’s happening_

It took a good minute or two to find Roman’s number, and by then the laughter had faded to giggles and then completely stopped.

_[You] Why in the hell are you awake?_

_[It dat roommate] Why in the hell are YOU awake?_

_[You] I asked first_

_[It dat roommate] I asked second_

_[You] I can’t sleep, I have an excuse_

_[It dat roommate] Right, I was talking to my absolute disaster of a friend and their reactions are the best things._

_[You] The hell did you say??_

_[It dat roommate] They were talking about the fact that they have a massive fucking crush on the person they’re staying with, so naturally I said “and they were roommates”_

_[It dat roommate] They responded with “FUCK OFF ROMAN THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE”_

It was his turn to laugh.

_[You] Oh my god they were roommates_

_[It dat roommate] Ah, finally someone who appreciates art!_

_[You] Thank you, thank you, but could I ask who you were talking to?_

_[It dat roommate] The absolute disaster known as Logan —_

_[You] Funny, my friend Patton was screaming at me because he’s crushing on his roommate Logan and they stopped responding_

_[It dat roommate] ..You realize what we must do, yes?_

_[You] Set those oblivious fools up on a date?_

_[It dat roommate] Exactly._

Virgil smirked slightly.

_[You] Hey Pat, I figured it out_


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil’s late-night chats with Remy don’t always end well, whether it be a bad memory or a joke taken a bit too far. Luckily his insomnia buddy has seen a fair share of his panic, and he could never thank them enough for the way they help.

Virgil sighed softly, while Roman had been the one to suggest setting Logan and Patton up, he was being very unhelpful.

_[You] Just tell Logan to meet up at the coffee shop down the street, make up something so it sounds important_

Normally he would never suggest anything even remotely like this, but Roman had already annoyed him to hell and back, plus it was for Patton.

_[It dat roommate] Alright, fine, but I’m telling you I don’t think this will work_

Everything went silent for a moment, Virgil stood up from where he sat in the kitchen and made his way to his room, falling on the bed with another sigh. Not even a minute passed before his phone buzzed.

_[It dat roommate] okay so you were right and i will never doubt you again_

_[You] Mhm, now get some sleep, you need it_

_[You] Arguing 100% counts as doubting me, so shut up and sleep_

He heard a frustrated groan echo out of Roman’s room, and then everything was silent. For a moment.

_[Insomnia cookie] SHIT okay, quick question babe_

_[Insomnia cookie] Do your professors know about the whole..?_

_[You] Crystal clear, as always, thanks Remy_

_[Insomnia cookie] I wasn’t finished but okay sure_

_[Insomnia cookie] But did the escape boat sink?_

_[Insomnia cookie] Cuz my escape boat is at the bottom of the goddamn ocean_

_[You] First off, no I’m okay, secondly what the hell are you gonna do??_

_[Insomnia cookie] I have no fucking clue but hey i’ve bullshitted my way through enough to know how to lie on the spot right?_

_[You] Remy I’m being serious_

_[Insomnia cookie] Bitch me too, i’ll make some shit up won’t i?_

_[You] Yeah, but I thought you figured this out in your first year??_

_[Insomnia cookie] I thought so too but it came back from the dead i guess, maybe we should revisit the shovel plan_

_[You] ..Please tell me that was not a pun_

_[Insomnia cookie] Oh honey i wouldn’t have even noticed it if you didn’t say something, but yes that was definitely a pun and it’s 100% speaking to us from beyond the grave_

_[You] Remy this is actually serious_

_[Insomnia cookie] I know babe the ghost of me is haunting us_

_[You] No Remy what if I made a mistake and it’s not actually okay? I’ve messed up like that before, what if Roman finds out?_

He felt the worry bubbling up inside him, it felt like there was a lot less air in the room than there usually was.

_[Insomnia cookie] Shit, no, nonono, okay? Listen to me honey, i took a joke too far that’s it okay? You’ll be fine, you double and triple check things instead of saying “eh fuck it” and rolling with whatever you get like i do_

His chest felt like it was being crushed, he thought taking off his hoodie would help. It didn’t, it made the anxiety worse and he still felt trapped. He thought maybe taking off his shirt would let him cool down, it didn’t. He still felt like cold claws had wrapped themselves around his chest.

_[Insomnia cookie] V i need you to listen to me, don’t pay attention to anything else okay? Can you call me?_

_[You] I can, but I won’t be able to talk_

_[Insomnia cookie] Are you worried about waking someone up or can you physically not speak?_

_[You] Both_

_[Insomnia cookie] Alright, that’s fine, you just need to listen okay?_

_[You] Yeah, okay_

The phone started ringing almost instantly, and he wasted no time in answering.

“Okay, first things first, you need to take any and all layers off your chest okay honey? I know you don’t want to, but you’re breathing too hard and I don’t want anything to happen, okay? Find something to tap on, once for yes twice for no, alright?”

Virgil reached over and grabbed a book from the bedside, giving one short tap.

“Alright, now did you get everything off?”

He hesitated for a moment, before tapping twice.

“You need to, V, you don’t want to and that’s completely justified but you need to. Can you do that now?” One tap. “Alright, now I need you to breathe slowly, can you do that?” Silence. “At least try, okay babe?” One tap. “That’s good, you’re doing better now, it’s okay. Now, I need you to listen, okay? Really listen, right?” One tap. “I made a mistake, that’s obvious, but you’ll be alright, no one will know okay? And hey, if they do find out, we can always revisit the shovel plan, yeah?” He smiled softly.

“Yeah..” He knew his voice sounded scratchy and horrible, but Remy didn’t seem to mind.

“Oo, look at you babe! Already up and talking again, new record darling!”

“Guess so, thanks Remy.”

“Absolutely honey, now you hit me up if someone does something you don’t want ‘em doing alright? I’ve got the shovel plan memorized by now.” He let out a small chuckle.

“Will do.”

“Now, you get some sleep hon, you gotta be looking your best in the morning and I’m sure that little fright tired you out, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks again, night Remy.”

“G’night babe.” His thumb hovered over the ‘end call’ button as he realized something.

“Wait, you’ll be going to sleep too?” He heard shuffling, and Remy stayed silent for a moment.

“You’re on speaker for a bit, don’t say anything too bad, but absolutely not.” He opened his mouth to speak, but Remy cut him off. He was at convinced that Remy could sense an incoming argument. “Virgil, baby, honey, sweetheart, I have a six o’clock class. It’s, what, like four now? Plus a thirty-minute drive, and you know I’m not doing shit without getting coffee.”

“..I’m pretty sure I don’t have to tell you why that’s not good?”

“Oh yeah, no, I know. You’re off speaker now, go ahead and cuss me out for being unhealthy.”

“Rem-“

“Kidding babe, now go get sleep, kay? Love ya, I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch yeah?” Virgil sighed softly, knowing no amount of arguing would change Remy’s mind.

“Yeah, see you then.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman decides that the best way to get Virgil out of his shell would be to drag him out on an “adventure” to wander around town, Virgil is against it at first but he gives in and agrees. He wishes he never said ‘yes,’ until Roman makes him smile like always.

The bed creaked as Roman flopped over, Virgil barely looked up from where he sat smushed up in a corner.

“I already said no.”

“But if you would jus-“

“No. That’s it. I’m done. Absolutely not.” Roman groaned, pressing his face into a pillow- though that didn’t stop him from talking.

“Why not?”

“Because I said no.” Roman lifted his head up to look at Virgil.

“What if we got ice cream after?”

“What if we didn’t?” A pillow smacked into his arm.

“Give me an actual, legitimate reason why we can’t and I’ll shut up.” Roman sighed, he looked like he was considering hiding in the pillows again. “It’s a walk around town, Virgil, the worst that could happen is we stay up a bit late!”

“No, the worst thing that could happen is we get  _shot_.”

“And what are the chances for that? We’re just two dudes walking on the sidewalk, Virge.”

“That’s not-“ He cut himself off, realizing his argument relied on information Roman didn’t know. “Fine. I give up, I’ll go. Happy?” Roman smiled at him.

“Very.” He threw a pillow at Roman’s head.

“You owe me big time for this.” Virgil hadn’t stopped complaining since they left.

“I’ll do the laundry for a month.”

“No, something else.” Roman gently shoved him.

“Why do you insist on doing that? It’s definitely not fun, so why?” Virgil didn’t even look at him.

“Because, now where are we going?” Truth be told Roman had no idea, they had been wandering around town for nearly ten minutes now. He had hoped that once they got out he would find something, but so far everything interesting remained hidden.

“Where do you  _want_  to go?” Virgil glared at him.

“I  _want_  to go home.”

“Yes, you said that, five times, nearly once per minute even!” Virgil gave a heavy sigh, turning away and glaring down at the shops and buildings lining the streets.

“That looks cool.” Roman looked to where Virgil was staring, noticing a soft spark of excitement in the emo’s eyes, and saw a small camera shop with Polaroids hanging in the window.

“You’re into photography?”

“..It’s my major, dumbass.”

“Oh. Right. Gotcha. Cool.” Virgil rolled his eyes, though Roman saw him smiling softly, and they made their way across the street.

A soft bell chimed as they pushed open the door, Roman holding it open of course, and the very second Virgil stepped in his eyes lit up. He seemed to forget about hiding his excitement now, practically running from shelf to shelf, reading off dozens of different labels about things Roman couldn’t even begin to understand.

“..Hey, Roman? Today’s Saturday right?”

“That it is, why?”

“Just checking.” Virgil’s smile made it obvious he wasn’t ‘just checking,’ but Roman didn’t say anything.

“Quick question though, can you remind me of what you’d be doing right now had I not gotten you out of the house?”

“Yeah, or we could not bring that up and let me enjoy this.” Roman chuckled softly, just barely nodding.

“Alright, that works too.”

They continued around the shop for a while, Virgil dragging Roman around and asking “this or that?” despite Roman having no clue what was being asked, though Virgil had to admit he did at least try to understand. He wouldn’t admit that Roman actually was helpful, but that much didn’t seem important. None of it seemed important, at the moment all he was focused on was which lens would be more clear or could zoom farther, for now, all he cared about was being in the tiny camera shop with Roman.

Until the tiny bell jingled again and someone he never wanted to see walked through the doors. She hadn’t changed much since he last saw her, in fact, she looked nearly the same, her eyes even still held their eternal glare towards him.

“Roman, we should- can we go? Home?”

“We only just got here-“

“Please, I- We, we need to go. Roman, we need to leave. We- I need to leave.” She was only a few feet away now.

“Virgil, what’s wrong?” He shook his head, waiting for her voice to cut him off.

“I- Please, we need to go- Roman, I need to-“

“Hey, hey no, it’s okay.” Roman must have seen her by now, his arm had wrapped around Virgil’s shoulders and he carefully lead Virgil to the door. “We can head home, we’re gonna get home and I’ll get you something to eat, alright?” He nodded, deciding words were simply too much effort for now.

The door to the apartment gave a soft creak as it closed, Virgil quickly made his way to the couch and sat down, as Roman darted to the kitchen.

“Virgil, please tell me you realize how concerning that was?”

“I- I know, I’m sorry it’s- I was just-“

“You were terrified, Virgil, I saw you. It-“ Roman came out of the kitchen carrying what looked like two cups of tea, giving a nervous chuckle as he sat down. “It scared me, honestly, seeing you that upset was.. difficult, I- I’m not sure why, exactly, I just- I wanted to protect you, and I couldn’t.”

“You did.” A look of confusion passed Roman’s face. “You- uhm..” Virgil couldn’t find a way to look Roman in the eye. “You kinda saved me, and I owe you an explanation..” Roman hesitates before offering Virgil a cup, which he took along with a shaky breath. “The- That woman that we saw, she- She was my mother, and- She wa any mother, but she was also the reason I-“ He found more than his breath was shaky, and he felt Roman’s hand on his shoulder to steady him.

“It’s okay, she isn’t here now, is she?”

“No, but-“

“Virgil, you don’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to.” Roman offered a soft smile.

“No- No, I- You should know.” Roman nodded.

“Alright, then I’m all ears.”

“My mother, she- She was fine with me liking boys, she was fine with me liking girls, but she- She wasn’t okay with both.” He sighed softly, he knew he could stop talking then and there and it would be fine, but Roman had been nothing but kind. Roman needed to know the full truth. “She was okay with me wanting nicknames, but-“ He took in another shaky breath. “-she wasn’t okay with me wanting a different name.” A look of confusion flooded over Roman’s face. “My mother was always okay with me not liking dolls and dresses, but she was never okay with me-“ He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “She was never okay with me being anything but a girl.” Roman looked like he was waiting on Virgil to say more, though all Virgil did was turn and stare at the floor.

“Virgil, her words mean nothing, okay? You know yourself better than anyone will ever know you, you know your own head and if that head says you aren’t a girl then you aren’t.”

“You- You aren’t.. surprised?” He was more curious about why Roman wasn’t upset, but that would be a question for another day.

“Oh, uhm.. I, uh- I saw your binder, when you were folding clothes..? You.. didn’t exactly hide it..” Roman scratched at the back of his neck, offering a nervous laugh. “I didn’t want to say anything about it, since it’s y’know.. supposed to be hidden..” Virgil felt tears forming again, though for a completely different reason. He didn’t try to stop them this time. “Oh, oh dear uhm- did- did I say something wrong-?”

“No, no it was perfect, you absolute fucking dork I-“ He found himself moving, before he could stop himself his arms were wrapped around Roman’s waist and his head was pressed into Roman’s chest. “Thank you. Absolutely fucking thank you, so goddamn much.”

“You’re welcome, Killjoy.” Roman was smiling, though he couldn’t see it he had a feeling that Virgil was smiling as well. He froze as a phone vibrated on the table beside them, Virgil’s screen lit up, showing a ‘new message’ notification.

_[Disaster gay of sunshine] Hey, Virgil? Can we talk for a bit?_

_[Disaster gay of sunshine] It’s about Logan._


	5. Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman had found a way to set up a date of sorts for their friends, but no one had considered just how terrible Logan was with emotions. Everything went alright for a while, as things always are, until tiny mistakes piled up and Logan ended the night by locking himself in his room.

Looking back at it now, it seemed obvious. Looking at it now, Logan realized exactly what he did wrong, and exactly how he could have avoided this. But of course, even the smartest people make mistakes, he realized that as he paced in his room at three o’clock in the morning, while thinking about his overly cheerful, unbelievably adorable, absolute blessing of a person, Patton. Put simply, Logan realized he was very, very gay. Sometimes he hated being demisexual, it created more problems than it solved, such as falling for people like Patton, despite the fact that he would never be able to make Patton happy and/or the fact that Patton deserves someone who he could be cutesy and sweet with.

“Could you possibly pace any louder? I’m sure the ghosts in the hall appreciate it.” Logan had forgotten about the fact that Patton wasn’t the only one in the house. In fact, he had forgotten about Patton’s brother, Dolos, entirely. In his defense, Dolos didn’t like him much anyway, at this point loud pacing at three in the morning was normal- expected, even. Normal or not, Logan decided that was enough pacing for one night, he needed sleep anyway. Especially considering the fact that Roman had messaged him barely even an hour ago saying he had a date. How in the world Roman had convinced anyone to go out with Logan was a mystery, and one Logan was not inclined to solve.

-

The next morning seemed like it would be fine. Breakfast went by with little eye contact, and Dolos making many, many, many jokes about a crush Patton apparently has. That definitely did not help Logan’s anxiety, not to mention how horrible he felt about whatever it was Roman had planned. All of that plus the fact that Logan didn’t have a car yet made it seem like it would not be fine, and Logan nearly regretted waking up that morning. He gave a soft sigh and turned around in his chair, realizing putting this off would only make it harder.

“Patton? Would you mind helping me with something?” Patton looked up from where he sat in the hall, he seemed to be struggling with putting shoes on.

“Absolutely! What’s up?”

“..Do you think you could drop me off somewhere on your way out?”

“Oh yeah, sure! You might want to grab shoes though, I’ll be out in five.” A piece of popcorn flew down the hallway from the living room.

“Can you flirt quietly? I’m missing my damn movie for this.” Patton’s cheeks turned a bright red and he looked away, Logan could almost feel Dolos smirking.

-

The car ride was mostly silent, something Logan would have been fine with, if it wasn’t for the fact that Patton looked unbelievably worried. Logan opened his mouth to speak, only for Patton to say something first.

“Hey, Lo? It’s Friday, right? The twenty-second?” Logan nodded.

“If I remember right, yes. Why?” Patton went silent, that was the opposite of reassuring. “..Would you like to turn on the radio?”

“Sure.” Patton froze as the radio started, turning and smiling at Logan like a little kid on Christmas.

“No, no whatever it is I want no part in it-”

“But you said you wanted music!”

“I was asking if you wanted music, Patton, I don’t sing-”

“Just this once, Lo, c’mon!”

“This is the only time I will ever- What song am I supposed to be singing-?” Patton smiled at him, deciding to answer by singing instead of an actual answer.

“Hey baby, won’t you look my way, I can be your new addiction!” In all honesty, Patton was more yelling the lyrics than actually singing them, but with the smile that he had? Logan didn’t mind. “Hey baby, what you gotta say? All you’re giving me is fiction, I’m a sorry sucker and this happens all the time-” Patton was looking at him now, as if to ask ‘why aren’t you singing along?’ “-I found out that everybody talks, everybody talks, everybody talks!”

Before he realized he was moving, he had shut the radio off. “I’m sorry, Patton, I don’t sing.”

“Oh, no it’s no problem! I didn’t mean- I just thought maybe-” Patton gave an awkward chuckle. “I dunno, I guess it was kinda dumb, it’s just that me and Dee used to sing songs like that back before.. Well, anyway, that isn’t important now, right?” He smiled, though Logan knew he didn’t mean it. “Where did you say you needed to go?”

“..The roller skating rink down the street, apparently Roman has something planned there.”

“Wait really?”

“Yes..? I don’t see why I would lie about th-”

“That’s where Virgil wanted to meet up with me!” Patton was very clearly excited, though Logan had a feeling something wasn’t quite adding up.

“That’s quite the coincidence..”

“Yeah, but it’s cool though! I mean, I don’t think all four of us have had a chance to hang out together yet, right?”

“I’m only saying, with Roman’s supposedly busy schedule I don’t think he’s going to be there.”

“Then you’ll have a chance to meet Virgil!” Logan sighed softly.

“Then I guess I have something to look forward to.”

The rest of the ride went by in an awkward silence, Logan wished there was something he could have said, though his irrational fear of making everything worse stopped him from doing anything. Patton looked up and smiled at him as the car came to a stop.

“This is it!” Logan let out a sigh, hoping that Patton wouldn’t notice.

“Sure, though I must say, it just seems.. convenient, how this lined up, I mean.” Patton’s smile never faded.

“Seems like a lovely coincidence though!” He shrugged slightly. “I dunno, but there are worse things that could happen, don’t you think?” Logan faltered, he honestly didn’t want to imagine a day spent with Patton. There was nothing wrong with it, the opposite in fact. He had no reason to be worried about spending time with Patton, and yet he was. He was utterly terrified of ever being alone with Patton. He didn’t want to- He did, he did want to, but at the same time he could never want to stay home more. He didn’t think he would be able to. He would say something wrong, trip in front of Patton, spend too long staring at those beautiful blue eyes, or something else would go horribly wrong.

“I suppose so, but don’t you think-”

“Goodness gracious you’re starting to worry more than Virgil does!” Patton chuckled softly. “If you can’t trust Roman about this, you can trust me can’t you? It’ll be fine, what could actually go wrong here?” Logan attempted a smile, though he was sure it looked absolutely horrific.

“I guess I was being irrational, wasn’t I?” Patton smiled back at him, Logan didn’t think there was a single word in the English dictionary that could describe just how perfect it was.

“Little bit, yeah.”

-

The rest of the ride went by in silence, though Logan didn’t mind it much, he almost wished he could have said something. Not that it would have mattered, as the ride only took about five more minutes. The more Logan looked up at the bright neon sign of the roller rink the more he wished he stayed home, he had no idea how to skate, he could barely walk sometimes what in the world made him agree to roller skating? He didn’t have much time to spend worrying, as Patton was running ahead with the biggest smile humanly possible plastered on his face.

Inside the building was just as chaotic as the outside. Bright lights shining from just about every angle, the most overplayed pop music blasting loud enough to deafen someone, dark carpet covered in blindingly bright rings of color across the whole floor, and a large disco ball hovering above the center of the large skating rink in the middle of the room. Logan would give anything to turn around and go home, while Patton looked happy as ever.

“C’mon, I wanna see if we can find Virgil and then we can get to skating!” Logan offered a tiny smile.

“Sounds good.”

Naturally, Virgil was nowhere to be found, the one time Logan was looking forward to meeting someone new and they weren’t there. Of course, he hadn’t expected them to actually be there, but sometimes it would be nice to be wrong.

Logan looked up from the bench he sat at, he was pretending like skating wouldn’t be absolutely disastrous, as Patton bounced happily across the carpet.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“When I was five.” Patton giggled softly.

“Me and Dee used to come here all the time, every Sunday.” That did not help Logan’s confidence. Patton was going to be flying around like a swan while Logan would probably be falling more often than he was skating.

“I have a feeling this is going to end with me on the floor.”

“Oo, I could teach you to skate! Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.” Patton smiled at him, holding out a hand to help Logan up, and he felt his heart stop.

“Thank you, Patton.” He smiled back, though he had a feeling his smile looked a lot worse than the pure sunshine that was Patton.

He was absolutely right. He had nearly fallen more times than he could count, Patton had caught him every time, but that was barely helping. It didn’t matter what he did, he would always trip over his own damn feet, and no matter what happened he couldn’t shake the thought of Patton thinking he was an absolute idiot because he couldn’t do something as simple as roller skating. He glanced up as Patton’s grip tightened on his shoulders- only slightly, but just enough to be worrying.

“Lo, are you alright? Did you want to take a break- Oh, we could get snacks if you’d like!” He shook his head.

“I’m fine, but snacks do sound nice.” Patton smiled and started slowly making his way towards the tiny snack counter in the back corner. Logan silently thanked the universe for the fact that he could walk on the carpet without looking like an idiot. The only problem was getting to the carpet.

“Oo, popcorn?” Patton offered a hand, which Logan held like his life depended on it, and carefully continued on his way- stopping every few steps to make sure Logan was still following, and not face first on the floor.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Lo, you’ve gotta have an opinion other than ‘sure I guess,’ you can get whatever you want!” Logan shrugged.

“Popcorn sounds nice, Patton.” They settled down at a small table, Logan let out a tiny sigh of relief.

“Alrighty, but you’re sure there’s nothing else you want?”

“Nothing I can think of.” Patton offered a smile, standing back up.

“Then I’ll be back in just a second!” He glided away, Logan couldn’t help but stare after him for a moment. Logan couldn’t understand how Patton managed to skate like it was easy as breathing, while he looked like a giraffe that just learned to walk.

“Lo, is everything okay? ..Are you even listening?” Logan looked up to see Patton standing over him, a bag of popcorn in hand.

“No, Patton, I’m sorry. I guess I spaced out, what were you saying?” Patton shook his head.

“It’s nothing, I got the popcorn though!”

“..Alright, I don’t mean to sound rude, but do you think we could head home soon? I didn’t get much sleep last night.” That was entirely untrue. Yes, he had gone to bed much later than he should have, but he wasn’t tired in the slightest.

“Oh, absolutely! I’ll be ready in just a second.” Patton gave a warm smile, and yet Loan couldn’t help but feel horrible.

–

The entire car ride went by without a word, only the buzz of some cheesy pop song on the radio keeping them from complete silence.

Logan stood up with a heavy sigh, staring after Patton, who was already halfway to the door.

“Are you coming or what, Lo? You look a bit confused.” Patton was obviously joking, shooting a dorky smile from over his shoulder, though Logan wasn’t exactly laughing.

“I am, I just.. wanted to apologize.” Patton stopped entirely, turning around to face him. The smile had faded, leaving nothing but concern on his face.

“What for?” He sounded genuinely curious, but that didn’t stop Logan from feeling as if he was being made fun of.

“I ruined your night, you could have had plenty of fun down at that roller rink and instead you had to spend the entire night trying to teach me- and it didn’t even work so there wasn’t a point in it at all, I-“

“Logan, stop it.” His jaw snapped shut. “You didn’t ruin anything, and I did have fun! I got to spend time with y-“

“Then I shouldn’t have said anything. It doesn’t matter what happens, I always end up doing something wrong- perhaps you would be better off if I stopped talking altogether.”

“That isn’t true! Lo, I don’t know what I would do-“

“I’m sorry, Patton, but there’s no need to lie for my comfort.” Patton looked almost hurt in a way, and Logan could do nothing but stare at the ground and push open the door.

“Logan, please wait!” He didn’t stop, he didn’t turn around, or say anything at all. He simply walked up the stairs as quickly as he could, slamming the door shut and falling onto the bed.

-

“Logan!” Patton stood at the bottom of the stairs, he didn’t think it would change anything, and yet he couldn’t just walk away. He waited for a reply for much longer than he should have, and flopped onto the couch with a tiny sigh when nothing came. He pulled out his phone, without any other ideas as to what to do, and found who he had always turned to with things like this.

_[You] Hey, Virgil? Can we talk for a bit?_

_[You] It’s about Logan._


End file.
